OK Jersety City, its time for us to have a conversation. Lets sit down for this one. Now, our relationship has mostly been positive over the last 3 years. There have been many good times- food, music, friends, everything. But all of a sudden, you turn on me. The first time it happened was back in the JSQ. I had a flight to catch in the afternoon, I went downstairs in the morning to find that my car had been broken into. Oddly, the window was smashed, and nothing was taken. things were strewed about…but nothing was removed. Not even the change in the little tray. Congrats crackheads, you accomplished nothing.
So, I moved to the Downtown yuppie filled paradise of “historic rennovated tax incentives” or whateverthefuck you want to call it. Life is supposed to be all moms with strollers down here. You see dudes walking around with tiny dogs and fashionable glasses, and hear them talking about their real estate portfolio. But, all this is merely a front. A front for rampant crime, extreme danger, and possibly terrorism. Terrorism towards 2007 Honda Fits.
These Terrorists do not seek to steal our belongings, the hundreds of priceless burnt CD’s scattered about the passenger seat. They do not seek to pilfer the dozens of empty water bottles, gym clothes, gum wrappers and toll receipts. No. They simply want to punish us for our extravagant way of life. And maybe, they really wanted the 35 Cents from the change tray. And punish they did. These Hoodlums, nay…TERRORISTS! could not stand the sight..no…the display of arrogance and wealth that is a 2007 Honda Fit!
I mean really, at least take something just for the hell of it. Open the glove compartment, do something. Its a fucking hatchback dude, you can see theres nothing in it.
As I was sweeping out the broken glass, my neighbor was outside playing with his kids, and gave me the rundown on the hood. He said “there are groups of drunk black kids that come through here very late, scratching up cars and throwing things, it was probably them” Well, I dont want to be a racist, so lets just say it was a group of drunk kids. Shit man, come on.
Anyway, whereas my old school pontiac was a cheap generic window…honda uses some fancy new shit, so this window is incredibly expensive. I’m hoping they can put some special sauce on it, like one of those computer screens from the Tom Cruise movie where they track criminals and whatnot.
Come on JC, i’ve been a loyal supporter of yours for years, I guess we’re just going through a rough patch.