Last night was one of those nights, that within a few hours, simultaneously encapsulated everything I love and hate about New York. Things like that can happen in this area, with a rightful reputation as a city that moves incredibly quickly, you never know what can happen in the next minute. One second you’re eating a cheeseburger, the next you’re surrounded by douchebags riding on a Llama. If it happened, not many would be surprised. It started as a typical evening, plans for music, hopes of food and beverage, but interesting turns were taken. But i’m getting ahead of myself. Lets do this in list format, of everything I love and hate. The band we saw was called The Bad Plus, so lets start with The Bad:
1. European Tourists
My god, these fucking people. How did New Yorkers get a reputation for being rude? It was probably from dealing with these incredibly inconsiderate scummy peolpe. We were on line for The Village Vanguard, there was an obvious line forming, at a right angle along the street, clearly there was a back and a front. When all of a sudden, 20 Euro Trash people cram their smelly selves right up to the front of the line, causing utter chaos. People start pushing, yelling in unrecognizable foreign tounges, and causing trouble. While inside, we they sat us next to a group of 60 yr + women, who felt it necessary to talk to eachother the whole time. Eventually, the Golden Girls shut up, after repeated shushhing attempts from those around them. Your currency may be more valuable than ours, but that does not give you the right to be a shit head. Please go home.
2. Douche Bags
How are these peolpe so instantly recognizable? The wide striped shirt completely lacking style. The mildly spiky hair completely lacking style. The need to be incredibly loud and call attention to yourself and your generic bleach blonde girlfriend dressed like a cast member of The Hills (and she is proud of this fact.) The Douchey Posse Of Other Douches laughing in support of unfunny obnoxious jokes. These people are usually confined to loud bars and dance music related venues, high priced restaurants, Murray Hill, sporting events, and concerts at large venues. But The Village Vanguard is usually a safe haven. In the many times I have attended shows here, I have never seen one douchebag. Well, last night made up for all of those. This crew of Frat Boys comes in, 3 guys, 3 girls, they all looked exactly the same. They began unassumingly enough, talking, drinking, as was everyone else in the club. That is, until the music started.
The Village Vanguard is not Webster Fucking Hall. Making out with your gold digging slutbag is not appropriate. Especially during a ballad when those around you can hear your fucking kissing noises. You do not need to pepper the music with periodic “NICCCCCCCE”es. You do not need to give Hi Fives to your hetero lifemate dude friend when the band plays “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” you also do not need to sing it to your slutbag so she knows what song it is. After it got to be too much, I did ask the douche to quiet down, which he did for a bit, to his credit. But overall, this shit just can’t happen. You people have your clubs and bars, please stay there. At one point, I considered, probably as seriously as I ever will, throwing a drink at them. I’m not a violent person, but this would have felt so good. The process went like this:
“well, its the last song, if i pour a drink on him and his slutbag, hes probably not going to try and fight me, i’ll get kicked out, but there’s only like 2 songs left”
but in the end, I wanted to see those 2 songs more than I wanted to throw a beverage at him.
Now, lets go to the other side of the coin. The Good:
1. Badass Old New Yorkers
There is a certain class of city dwellers you do not fuck with. I hope to be one of these people one day. They’re old, they’ve seen it all, and they certainly do not have time for your shit. Lorraine Gordon, owner of The Village Vanguard, is without a doubt one of these people. Some Miami tourist pulled a “do you know who I am? why do i have to wait on this line! I made a reservation!” he literally raised hell over having to wait in line, like everyone else there. The doorman made the right move, and called the owner over. This tiny lady, who must be 80 years old, walks over and assesses the situation. The guy tells her its bullshit that he has to wait in lin. What follows is a pretty close transcript of what happened:
Who the hell are you! You’re Not Special! You gotta wait in line like everyone else in here! Now sit down and shut up! If you say another word, i’ll call the police and have you kicked out. Shut up! Where are you from (he says Miami) I know people from Miami, they’re not as rude as you! Keep your mouth shut!
She was probably the greatest old woman who has ever existed. She even threw the guy’s money back on the table and told him to get the hell out, but then let him stay on the condition that he would shut up. You dont pull a “do you know who I am” with her.
2. Music
You name me one other city in the world, where on a random tuesday night at 11:00 you can go see the Bad Plus, or any number of amazing jazz musicians. The amount of jazz in New York is just plain crazy. And despite all the douche bags and tourists, there is no other place to find this music. The Bad Plus is fucking awesome. 3 nerdy looking white guys who tear up jazz standards, weird angular fusion type tunes, and pop covers with frightening accuracy. The covers are what got them the most recognition, particularly Smells Like Teen Spirit, but even without these, they would be a stellar and progressive group. One time I got to record their piano player Ethan Iverson for a BBC interview, and he was one of the nicest musicians I’ve ever met. He thought I was british (i guess cause it was for the BBC), so he kept offering me a Gin and Tonic. I told him I was driving so I couldn’t, hes like “not even a small one? come on! thats what you people drink!” he also introduced me to the phrase “Dropping Science”. He was making Dr Who references during our level check, again, because he thought I was british and would give me a laugh, which it did anyway, but I am not familiar with the Dr Who program. Eventually he goes “where are you from?” I responded New Jersey, and he was completely thrown off. “Wait, but you’re from england! I’ve been dropping all this Dr Who science on you and you don’t even get it! what the hell!” He was seriously a great dude, very laid back, no pretention, and for that I have geat respect for him. But anyway, back to the show.
You could tell they were excited to be headlining the Vanguard. Everyone, literally everyone, who is important in the history of Jazz has played that stage. They started off a little rocky, feeling like they weren’t totally connected for about 3 minutes…then after 3 minutes, it was like something clicked, and there was no stopping them. Saying they would start and stop on a dime would be an understatement. They stopped on a penny. Maybe even a half cent piece. These guys share one brain. Odd meters, complicated solo runs, they all seemed to be together. Now, as previously stated, the group is well known for their covers. I’ve seen them twice previously, and sadly saw no pop music covers. I wasnt too disapointed, but still, it would have been fun to hear “Tom Sawyer” or something like that. Well, mid set, as previously mentioned, they performed Tears For Fears “everybody wants to rule the world” which despite the douchebag chatter, was awesome. The rest of the set included some of their own compositions, and a few standards, also an amazing drum solo by Dave King. He doesn’t play like most other jazz drummers, he has the intensity of Tony Williams, but with some obvious rock influences, and an especially heavy kick drum foot, injecting a serious groove.
If there was one redeeming quality to the douchebags in attendance, it was their refusal to let the band go home. Led by these 3 frat dudes, the crowd continued applauding, these douches screamed their heads off. So, the band came back for an encore, and played some good jams. They then left, the lights came on, and these douches just went ape shit. One was screaming “SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT!” which has probably never been yelled at the Vanguard before. These 3 dudes, just wouldnt give up, the rest of the crowd sort of just went along with them. So…the band came back! I was incredibly surprised. You rarely see a 2nd encore at a jazz show especially. So, Iverson sits at the piano, messing around in the low registers…then plays a familiar sequence of notes….by the 2nd note of the phrase, everone got it. Iron Man. by Black Sabbath. I’m going to go out on an obvious limb, and say this is the first time in the 50whatever years the Vanguard has been around, that a Black Sabbath song was played there. And as a surprise to no one, the band owned it.
So there you have it. Music and Badass Old People vs Douchebags and Tourists. Its a tough battle, one that is certainly not over. Happy New Year Bitches.