a free form jazz odyssey in front of a festival crowd

I’m going to make an outrageous claim. Ready?

Trey Anastasio’s new album sucks because of the snare drum. Now I know what you are saying “who cares, and you dont know what you’re talking about Steve- you just like to criticize because you are secretly mad at Phish for sucking that night you could have made 1200$ off of your ticket,,,,What?)

We all knew something was happening in recent months, those of us who are recoverring jam band/ phish heads. I saw him at the Tom Waits benefit show, and it just wasnt happening. My friend Dave commented “its like he wants to be a pop star now” and I could not agree more. And thus, we return to the snare drum. Go to itunes right now, do some previewing. Listen to any of the Phish records. Notice anything? The snare is very muted, nothing at all fancy, the focus is on the music, rather than the production. A phish album was just a companion to the live show. BUT, as soon as they break up, and MR Anastasio imagines great success afterwards…His attendance numbers start falling. His summer shed tour is cancelled, he fires his old 10 pc solo act, which fucking rocked, and gets a bunch of rock and roll looking backup dudes. AND SO, he needs to make his new album more radio friendly. It kind of sounds like a phish album, without the friendly musical structures that let you know these dudes are just as nerdy as you are, and instead- A BIG FUCKING REVERB LADEN SNARE DRUM.

so here is a letter, from me to Trey. Maybe i’ll give it to that guy I recorded for the BBC who used to play sax with him to be the middle man. “Hey remember me? You used to date my roomate, then I recorded you talking on the phone for a bit to some guy in england. Anyway, could you give some Hate Mail to trey for me? Thanks homey” anyway….

Dear Mr Anastasio,

We’ve had some good times over the years. There was the time I waited in 13 hrs of traffic with 3 people in a Dodge Neon to go 2 miles to see your festival, the time the whole crowd was nearly struck by lightning in Camden, the mud, the heat, the hippies. But there were also the positive aspects- such as the Veggie Burritos in the parking lots, that show also at Camden that rocked, lets face it, a lot of the shows rocked. I’ll forgive you for the shitty comeback show on New Years that you played which inadvertantly caused me to have a life long grudge against the mayor of my town, but I digress.

What i’m saying T-Bag (there is already a T bone, so you get that name, ok? good) is that there are some good memories that we all have. You, me, that old guy with the white beard who used to dance like a mental patient at all the shows, and the thousands of frat boys in their white hats looking to pick up hippy chicks. the point is DONT FUCKING RUIN IT. You can so easily taint everyones remaining positive memories of a band you were in by trying way too late in your career to be a pop star. You have like 40 million dollars, a badass house and studio in Vermont, and a family and whatnot. Just fucking be happy with that. Take a few years off, do yoga or something, eat some fucking granola. Just dont try to be a pop star. You made a video for your new single? Dude, you dont need that. You have the most hardcore of all indie cred. You went from the dorm room to stadiums with NO main stream help. What the fuck? Just give it up.

and for god sakes, turn down the production on that fucking snare drum. Ok T-Bag? T-Bizzle? I may talk all the shit in the world, but I will totally be your yes man if you want to put me in your band, or just on the entourage to hang around. deal? good.

sincerely,
Steve