a free form jazz odyssey in front of a festival crowd

Dear Hi Hats,

It started just about 6 years ago. After the stuggle of finally convincing my parents to let me put a 2nd set of drums in the house, it was time to purchase some cymbals. I knew what i wanted long before we met. Zildjian, 14″ new beat hats. The first drummer i met in high school, Mark Kahn, had a pair, and they rocked. the “Chick” sound, the response, everything seemed so right. Prices being what they were for new cymbals, and me being a high school kid with a job at a bank, i was looking for a way to save money. Enter the Internet. Thanks to internet god Eric Tarn, we found a website in Canada offering discounted Zildjian and Sabian cymbals with FREE SHIPPING!!!!! wow, what a deal!! 196 for a pair of new beat hats? I remember the price vividly, it was the cheapest around. But….there had to be a catch.

Brilliant finish. This takes some explaining. Cymbals come in 2 finishes; Brilliant and Traditional. Traditional is just as the title says, a dull finish with the charm and appeal of an antique ottoman (what the fuck is an ottoman?). Brilliant is extremely shiny, almost like a mirror. These are a favorite of heavy metal bands, and fusion drummers who want the brightest and most cutting sound. All cymbals on the discout web site were brilliant finish- they are a tad less popular. The hats i knew and loved were traditional, but we can’t always get what we want- as the Rolling Stones said, so i figured “I’ll setle for you” as NJ Ska Legends, President Lemon once said (anyone but Webmaster T Bone who gets that joke wins a Hi Five).

I also got a 16″ sabian brilliant crash, and a 21″ raw bell ride, just like John Fishman- my hero at the time, only his was traditional. Damn you Canada. Upon arrival, i was excited, i was now an owner of 3 cymbals!!! i felt totally awesome. But as time passed, the truth became clear: I was not in love. It was purely a relationship of conveniance. A divorce would cost money, as new cymbals do, so I decided just to stick with you. After a while though, supporting 3 unloving cymbals was too much. The ride was the first to go. It was replaced with a 20″ grand master hand made exotic Turkish ride. Left for an exotic beauty, sold to my sister. But as the younger and more exotic ones often do, it split. A crack developed, and I was forced to purchase yet another ride, this time a more standard one, reliable, yet not the best.

But you Hi Hats, i kept you around. I don’t know why. I hated your bright cutting sound. The way the bottom hat was so heavy, like a freaking bell. The smoke residue that had built up from playing in bars came off on the hands of all those who touched it. But still, we did not part. A 2nd crash was added, much bigger, and Traditional finish!!! I played it so much, 2 giant cracks showed up, eventually forcing me to return to you, little sabian. But this year, another Istanbul was added, but soon cracked, and was replaced with an uncracked …..retiring you to a cymbal bag for backup. Oh, how neglected you must have felt.

This leaves us with the hats. You were loyal, strong (except for a nick in the side) and freaking loud. you had to go. Ebay it was. One fine day, a pair of Stanton Moore signature hats showed up, and i decided to leave you for them. I’m a heartbreaker, what can I say. Baby, they just do things you can’t do. So i put you on the auction block, and you went for 132!! wow, see, you still have some years left in you! oddly enough, its back to Canada, by USPS airmail. Packed in a cardboard box, covered in Village Voice adult advertisements, just to give your new Canadian owner a little taste of NY. Our last meeting was not too emotional, played once for old times sake, and boxed. Maybe we will meet down the road, but maybe not. I wish you well old Hats, keep it real

Steve

ebay is a serious addiction. Some choose drugs, I choose auctioning stuff online. Side note, where can i get some heavy drugs? I have an 18 hr flight next month, what OTC medicine really knocks you out? ok, back. I am selling my Def Leppard style electronic drum kit. I got it for 75$ at guitar center, and its going for WAY more than that on the bay. rock and roll.

The band is on a brief break while our singer goes to aruba or some island to rest up the pipes, and do whole holistic experience, you know, acupuncture, yoga, herbal remedies, I have no idea what I am talking about.

Last night I got 3.5 hours of sleep. I can honestly say that is the least sleep i have ever gotten in my life. Among other things, I sacraficed the sleep for one Jeff Tweedy. He’s doing some free shows in Lower Manhattan, and the only way to get tickets was to pick them up in person today. I arrived at 8:45 for the 11:00 on sale, with a decent amount of people in front of me. By 9, there were at least 500, and by 11, the line had wrapped clear around broad street, covering Wall street, and entire block and a half. The entire week in the series of shows sold out by the end of the morning.

While waiting on line, all was quiet on The Street (as the big money people call it) and I begin to hear a Japanese Flute playing. Interesting, what could this be? I look next to me, and the normal looking guy who i had just talked to a few minutes ago has a flute in his hands, like that scene in Kill Bill, when Bill is outside the church. I swear he was not carrying this thing when he arrived. Maybe it was collapsable.

There is something running in the apartment above me. Its to small to be an adult, to fast to be a child, and too heavy to be an animal…..what could it be? its really late, these people should be quiet. there is also some looping low end thing happening. Maybe someone left a tv on? Or a record player is skipping. who has a record player in greenpoint? Williamsburg, maybe, but not here.

Call up Moses, its arc building time. It has not stopped raining in New York for months (about a week). Sidewalks are flooded, people are wet, and the electronic lock to the door on our rehersal space shorted out from the rain, making it impossible to exit the building. You had to climb down a fire escape last week to get out. When I was living on the west coast, rain was the ultimate excuse for anything. News reports would spend hours covering the rainstorm. I kid you not, this was on an actual newscast

“(in a sad low tone) Carwashes went without business. School playgrounds went empty, children forced to spend recess indoors. It was not a bright day for southern California”

One day during a regular rainstorm, nothing too intense, I was the only person on time for work. Everyone trickled in 30-45 minutes late, and it was perfectly acceptable. Man, I wish that could happen now.

Last night was Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, or as my college professor Rabbai Al called it, “The day of At-One-ment” ooooh, that Rabbi Al, he’s a kidder. This holiday concludes the Jewish new year festivities, in which you reflect on the year past. And on this particular day, you Fast, meaning not eat, from sundown to sundown. I know, i know, it goes directly against the Odyssey. I am also not that religious, BUT, i see it as a challenge to myself, so I have done it for many years. But in college, one thing comes to mind.
My spohomore year, my roomate was also Jewish, about the same intensity as me. We believed more in the Motzoh Ball than the Torah. But when it came to Yom Kippur, I did the fasting thing. We discussed it, and he decided to try it as well. I saw him later in the day and asked how the fast was going. He said “Well, I ate some breakfast, and had a bit of lunch, but I am going to fast in between meals” Yes, fasting in between meals. Thats like “Dude, I totally quit smoking in between cigarettes!” Us Jews, we really know how to get around the rules, take the hole in the sheet for example. anyway……

I was speaking to Web Master T Bone over email this morning, and we were discussing the new ipod. Like many, he feels the need to upgrade to the new video capable ipod, to watch porn on the go. We likened the switch to the old man who dumps his old wife for a younger chick. Sure, the old woman has been with you for a while, but there are some things she just can’t do anymore, that the newer model is capable of. The conclusion? If your wife is not photo/video capable, trade her in for a Nano or regular Ipod.

In other news, I will be leaving the country in November. GONE. OUT. for 13 days, which works out to 10, because I actually lose a day in the air. I am going to the land of the rings, New Zealand. because of the wacky time difference I get there 2 days after I left, then on the return, I get into LA 3 hours before i left New Zealand. Anyone know where I can get some illegal tranquilizers cheap? Eh? eh? drugs?

First thing is first:

I have decided not to like The Beatles. They have been removed from my ipod (they remain on the computer itunes library just in case). I went to hang out with my friend Sammy Bonnadonna, the infamous Sammy Bonadonna, the other day, and we met in the Strawberry Fields section of Central Park. What I did not know what that it was John Lennon’s birthday. It was like going to an Aerosmith concert in middle school. Everyone is wearing their T shirt, proudly displaying it, letting you know they are a big rocker, even though the only occasion they wear that T shirt is when going out on an almost rocker excursion like this one. People were in a big circle singing Beatles songs, but not big and loud like a celebration, but quiet and self conscious, so as not to cause a disturbance. Bad vibes a plenty.

Anyway…enough of that crap. Its cold in NY and things are weird as hell. I finished the Gary Benchley book in 1.5 days, and I must tell you I’m a little dissappointed. It just wasn’t happening at some points. On the up side, I have become a reading machine. I tear through a novel like a lion that has just torn through a gazelle, careful to avoid the rib bones. what? Exactly.

I went to the AES convention today- The Audio Engineering Society, and saw a bunch of shiny things that I will not be able to afford. Bob Ludwig was there, he has mastered every big album you have ever heard, thats probably an accurate estimate, look him up. He looked kind of like santa clause without the beard or the suit, but I did not say hi. I did get about 200 lbs of brochures, and a Glymph (hard drive company) Yo Yo, which rules, and a few pins. All in all, not too fruitful.

Fuck dude, I want it to not be cold out. I also want to eat 16 lbs of falafel out of a giant bowl, but its not in the cards, now is it baby? Its times like this some people look for meaning…in what i do not know. Maybe i can find a false – golden calf- style idol in something simple? Like a character on Laguna Beach, or the guy at the bagel store who has gold teeth and looks kind of like Lil John. Shit, I don’t own a TV, i guess its the bagel store guy.

Oh man, so I made that last post from work while i was feeling a bit stung. Lets just say, that was only the beginning, and the night got far more interesting. I left work around 1:45am to meet up with the crew, in the disgusting rain that only Times Square can provide. That introspective James Dean type of thing? yes. completely. Especially for a kid in a sweatshirt, white gym sneakers and a near frzz fest or a haircut. So we meet, and decide to go down to chinatown for some food. I am the one white kid in attendance, who am I to argue? So, the T bone is T-Buzzed at this point, and the sensible man he is, another member of the group is designated as driver. Christine, who has not been mentioned in the contents of this blog before, but has been involved in a few odyssey adventures, and possible rising star in the Odyssey Orginization , was the one soon to be behind the wheel…….Or so we thought!!!!

BOO YA!!! how was that for the end of a paragraph?? eh? eh? Motley Crue did that to end a chapter in “The Dirt” and i would have thrown the book out the window, if there were not so many enticing drug,violence, and sex stories involved. So, we head to christine’s car. All is well and normal, until we get to the block the car is on. Its empty. Uh oh. The tension began….we walked many circles around blocks. We noticed though, the sign on the street had the ever elusive and confusing “Night Regulation” of no parking from 10pm-6am. Its interesting how people react when their vehicle has been towed. the steps are as follows

1. Denial- “No, they didnt tow it, we just can’t find it”

2. Anger- “Dude, you told me i could park here! Fuck you, you piece of shit! thats the last time I ever listen to you! Remember that book you gave me for my birthday? I fucking re-gifted that shit so quickly, i didnt even read it! yeah!! take that! Fuckhead!

3. Fear- “Oh no, what if it was stolen? what will I do? How will I live? Will the Polar Ice Caps melt? What if the price of gas continues to rise?”

And finally…

4. Acceptance- “whatever, it got towed, its just like a really expensive parking lot. Fuck it, lets go to chinatown and get some fucking lo mein. They’re out of Lo Mein? Holy Shit? What will I do, how do I live???” (back to step 3)

Luckily, she was able to pick up her car at around 5am for only 185$. I was no help in the situation, i tried to call the NY parking authority, who was closed until monday, and I was like “Well dude, i guess you willl never see your car again” no, I’m totally lying, I did my best to help, it just turns out all the parking information I had was wrong, except for the fact that you cannot park in a night regulation spot.

So we went to chinatown and got some delicious food. On the way back, web master T Bone was badass enough to drive me back to polish town, Greenpoint, as I call it, and we all learned an interesting fact:

Our friend (who shall remain nameless for criminal purposes) has been arrested and been in jail….. TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I was beyond impressed by this. The topic came up when we were joking around about something and someone said “will you guys bail me out when I go to jail for that?” and she said “Well, my parents had to bail me out, then my boyfriend bailed me out another time” i was like “hold the phone chico, what?” This unsuspecting suburban female is far more of a badass than me. I asked if she had any prison tattoos or if she had ever shanked anyone, but she was unable to comment, possibly because of some deep rooted incidents in the slammer. She even called her sister to veryify, I was hella impressed.

Moral of the story (double moral)
#1 Dont judge people on their level of badass based on their outward appearance. Underneath a conservative image may be a viscious hustler ready to knife you with a tightly rolled up piece of newspaper (i learned that from Tommy Lee when he went to jail for spousal abuse) and make you their bitch

#2 Don’t park in a night regulation spot in NY. Parking signs are tricky, so be on the lookout. No means No, when it comes to parking.

Ouch man, ouch, here is the situation. I leave work around 7, I take the train downtown to go to Tonic. Billy Martin, was playing a duo show with pianist Dave Burrell, who I dont know, but I have heard he is big in the Avante Garde world. I get an enthusiastic hello from Martin, so already I feel like a total badass. Theystart the show and go completely insane. Billy is throwing cowbells at giant metal pans on the floor, slamming everything with all sorts of sticks, craziness. So i say goodbye, and still feel badass. I call the T Bone, he’s like “Yo, we headin to da club” i’m like “Holla”. So i ride the train uptown and meet the crew. Let me set this up further. I am dressed like I just went to work and to an avante garde jazz show. The crew is far more polished than I. I got a bit nervous, but the dude in fron of us on line had sneakers on, so i was like “Fuck It”. I threw my bag in T Bone’s car and we get online. My hair was like an afro, i have my gym shoes on, and i’m wearing a badasass pair of jeans. I figure the jeans will carry me. We get up, some dude with T bone says we are on some list, the door guy goes “are you getting a table?” in club speak, this means “are you spending a few hundred dollars?” i knew that before i started reading club life, bitches. the dude goes “uhhhh, sure” i say from behin him “No, we’re not” so, he begins to let the crew in, everyone gets a black ticket…until they get to me….Yellow ticket. I knew i had been DENIED. REJECTED. OUCH. the next door guy goes “20$” i say “Fuck you, you club life piece of shit, do you know who I am?” well, not really i kind of said “uuh, no”. So the rest of the group went on to dance the evening away, and I end up at the only place I can go close by…….WORK. OUCH. See, the thing is, i’m not really upset at the club thing, I could tell it wasn’t my scene, i just wanted to kick it with the odyssey crew. Any place that rejects the Steve, the Steve is too goddamn cool for. Yes, I feel the cold sting of rejection that one can only get by a slightly feminine doorman who his sitting way up on his high horse, with a velvet rope stuck in his anus, but I’ll get over it in like 23 minutes.

What I am upset about, is leaving my bag inT Bone’s car. Both my Howard Stern and newly acquired Gary Benchley: Rock Star books are in the bag. It would have been some good quality catch up reading time while waiting for the crew to finish gettin jiggy. I dont know how jiggy they will get, because drinks are probably like 15$ a piece.

I recently went on an Amazon binge in order to get the book “Gary Benchley: Rock Star” by Paul Ford, which is required reading for any anti-hipster, or anti-anti-hipster currently living in New York, or the surrounding hipster hangouts. While fueling my online shopping addiction, I decided to fill in my collection, and got “The Dirt” by Motley Crue. Lets just say, my life is changed a bit. Mitch Hedberg once discussed this book on his web site, and said “Read this book, if you think you’re fucking up your life, you’re not.” That’s pretty much right on. But in opposition to the late great Mitch, I would like to say; Don’t read this book if…:

1. You are planning to clean your apartment, room, bathroom, house or self

2. You are trying to cut down on drinking or doing drugs

3. You are trying to get a girlfriend or improve your current relationship

I was eating some hummus with a pita while sitting on my couch. I dropped a few crumbs and went to pick them up as I was reading the chapter on the first Motley House, a small house on Sunset Blvd in LA. The walls became charred black, because of their roach infestation. Let me explain. When a roach (which were a plenty) would climb their walls from all the garbage left around, they would hold a lighter up to some hairspray, and fry it. They never brought out their trash, they just piled it on their back porch. Eventually the department of health had to serve them a summons because the neighbors were complaining about the stench and the amount of rats. They owned 2 dishes that would build up enough food to scrape a meal off of. They never bought toilet paper. They never washed their sheets after sleeping with hundreds of girls, the front door was off its hinges from being kicked in so often by the cops. Sooo, you can imagine that I would not freak out about a few bread crumbs after reading this.

Also, if you think you have a drug problem, don’t read this book to look for inspiration on getting sober (which Tommy lee still is not, and the rest probably lie about) You wont feel so bad about drinking a bit once you read that Nikki Six shot up so much, until he got to the point where the only vein left to shoot was…..well, just imagine it, it didn’t stop him though. Mick Mars drank 5 shots of Vodka before each show, an entire glass which he tried to convince the band was filled with water, then the rest of a bottle on the plane or bus after the gig.

But seriously, you can’t put this book down. I finished it in 3 days
Now I’m onto Howard Stern’s “Private Parts” a very interesting read so far. But I’m afraid I’m rushing through it just to get to the Gary Benchley book. Whuteva.

I have been speaking to the girl, who is in New Zealand over Ichat- its like a phone but for free, although the quality is eh, its better than paying a lot of money. Technology still boggles my mind- its freaking amazing that I can talk to someone literally on the other side of the world over a crappy internet connection. Anyway, he roomate’s 9yr old niece was in the room, so I asked to talk to her- Kids are usually fun to talk to, they seem not to hate me and usually have something interesting to say. But i couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that she had an accent. Its like Billy Crystal once said “I was in France, and I’m very impressed that these little children can speak French”. We didn’t talk much, I asked her what time it was, because there is like a 17 hr difference, figuring it might be cool for a young kid who doesn’t necessarily know about time zones and whatnot. Wellll, she tells me its 5:00, i say “wow, its midnight here” and she just goes “ok, see ya Steve”. This only adds to my long list of being slightly humiliated by children under the age of 10.

The weekend is upon us….its that AES convention thingy, Billy Martin is at tonic, me and T Bone are going on a specifically Jewish Odyssey, so who knows what sort of mayhem shall occur